Needing a break from giving....

My entire life I have always been taking care of everyone else. Be it family, friends, clients and community organizations. Both financially and with my time and energy. I rarely ever have the opportunity to attend to my own needs.

This unfortunately many times leads to people taking advantage of me in various ways. Even people closest to me. It hurts because I simply have a hard time saying no. People know that and use it against me. It is exhausting and ends up with regret which consumes my mind.

Outside of very few people who have helped me out in ancillary ways; for the first time in my life it would be nice if someone actually took care of me. If I could be cradled in someone's proverbial arms. If I could show vulnerability and still be loved. If I can cry and be cradled tighter. 

For a change it would be nice to be able to take. There is only so much one can give without being run dry. 

Tears of a clown...

Serenity is all I want, 

Putting up a happy face is what I flaunt.

Kids, money and friends, you say happy I  should be;

Yet that peace of mind you expect, truly escapes me. 

Why am I up at this late hour?

My frame of mind seems genetically sour. 

'The tears of a clown' inside my heart I sing,

I fake a smile as if I were a king. 

I ask myself why so lonely I feel?

When to the world I seem so tangible, so real. 

The answers to these questions I fear;

Will always escape me, as my mind is blurry or so very clear. 

Men from Mars have all the answers, they always come to conclusions;

They propose ideas and have all the solutions. 

I don't care for advice or comments, you are preaching to the choir;

I believe it is unconditional love that I simply desire.

Protecting pedophiles and child molestors... There are no words

I do not want to comment yet. I would like the article to speak for itself. I will write another blog entry with my feelings in relation to this.

Click here for the article...

5/14 - 9:25am

In speaking with someone close to the story, I will say that I am not using this article as a condemnation of the accused. I do not know if his admission of guilt was to protect himself from a longer prison sentence. I am using the article to demonstrate the fallibility of rabbonim as it relates to supporting an abuser as opposed to the victim and the ramifications that causes to abuse victims at large.